I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
where does the pee come out of this thing
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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