don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
false alarm, still single
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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