I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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