she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
