its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
