im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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