but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's never too late to be topless.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
