Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
