I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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