I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
