he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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