What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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