Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
