Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize