sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
