I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
