I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just invented taco cereal.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
