does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
