WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
