My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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