Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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