If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
