Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
