Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
