I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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