i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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