if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize