Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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