I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
