You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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