hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
