I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
