oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
