Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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