I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
