you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
