please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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