i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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