Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
