i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
