I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
