dude i'm inner monologue high
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
