I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
