I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
