i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We got so high we made milksteak
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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