Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
honey bunches of taint.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
