the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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