There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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