You're completely useless in the revolution.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
