oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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