I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
