Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
try to milk me bitch
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
