I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
