Swine flu. Run for my life!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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