I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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