Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
