I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
