OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
