OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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