Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
