just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
