I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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