she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
