end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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