Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
