The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
