Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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