Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
