ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
